The hills are alive with the sound of....

....people pissed off about the lack of snow.

I'm working in Austria this week. Villach, to be precise. It's a small town in the Alps and is, naturally, a winter sports resort too, there being seven ski slopes within half an hour of the town. In fact it's good for water-skiing too, because there are 20 lakes nearby. It's also home to one of our operating companies and requires a monitoring system rollout, hence my five-night stand here on the on-going Rather Snappish 2001/02 European Tour. There would be pictures too - I brought my shiny new digital camera - but naturally I left the USB cable at home, so they'll have to wait until the weekend.

Needless to say the office is very nice, very airy with loads of room and good facilities, as in every single European office I've been to and none of the UK offices. Why does this not surprise me? Oh yes, because the abject quality of life in Britain compared with Europe extends to the workplace, where providing an environment conducive to happy and productive workers is considered a risible luxury. Sigh.

But I digress, as usual. Some observations....

Vienna Airport

Strange how differently people view the same place. The Evil Taskmaster Mogsy thought Vienna Airport was a hole. I liked it. Nice clean building, easy to find your way around, didn't require a hike of Lyke Wake Walk proportions to get to the gate for my connexion to Klagenfurt, liked the round design. Plus there was the little al fresco bit with a few plants. And pissing rocks, too. Fantastic, just as Meg mentions here.

Taxi for Ljubljana, guv?

What a miserable git the taxi driver was. In Germany the taxi drivers will talk to you. This guy looked about as happy to get my custom as if I'd asked his daughter for a blowjob. Still, the road signs were interesting. When in Germany I'm used to seeing the occasional sign for, say, Basel, or Plzen, the first major town inside the Czech Republic when heading for Prague a year ago. This time I was treated to signs marking destinations in three different countries: Villach, Udine in northern Italy and Ljubljana which lies in Slovenia. I also saw a sign for both Italy and Germany. By which I mean Italy and Germany on the same sign. How can that be? They are in opposite directions. Like geometrically opposite. Strange. But this is one of the little things I love about being in central Europe. I love the idea that you can just decide to keep going on the same road and the next major town you hit will be in Slovenia or Italy. All you need is your passport and enough gas to get you over the border. You can just keep going through country after country until you reach the Mediterranean or Adriatic Seas. What have we we got to match that on our small island? Wales. Hard to think a better reason to stay home, really.

What do you mean, "there's no snow"?

Goddammit. It's fucking cold here. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that there's snow in an Austrian winter resort in January, but still.... I left my fleece at home. Because I am a moron, before you ask. Well, actually it's because Tasha told me there was no snow in Austria at the moment and I was stupid enough to believe her without checking for myself. What she meant was there was no snow on the ski slopes, hence the wailing and gnashing of teeth belonging to people up the mountains. That does not, however, mean there's no snow in the towns, as I discovered upon arrival. I was going to have a wander around the town centre in Villach on Sunday night but it was just too damn cold, so I went and got a pizza and some beers in a place attached to the hotel instead. I have to report that to my mild surprise, the local piss is pretty good.

Mind I could have done without the sight of a Bayer Leverkusen sticker on the beer pumps when I walked in. Leverkusen of all teams. Jesus wept. I was a bit surprised. I figured supporting German teams here would be like supporting English teams in Scotland, especially as Villach is about as far south as you can go in Austria without stepping into Italy. Especially a plastic works team with a plastic stadium, a plastic atmosphere and about two dozen real fans. Still, no accounting for taste (or lack thereof).

The Euro in my pocket

<rant>
Sunday was the first time I've used the Euro in anger. What's the big deal? Why do so many people get their panties in a bunch about it? Gee, I pay for stuff in Euros which provides a ready calculation for the cost - divide it in two thirds and you've got the Sterling price. I'm used to using German Marks which involved dividing by three. Just as simple. If we'd come to Austria two months ago when we were originally scheduled to do so, I'd have a wallet full of Austrian Schillings and I'd have had to divide everything by 23. Sounds like progress to me.

Of course I know why people get hot under the collar about it. Because the last Tory government were so mindlessly little-England and anti-European in the conduct of their government that they managed to completely subvert the real issue about joining the single currency, which is whether it's good for the UK on an economic basis. On that basis, though I am decidedly pro-Euro, I accept that Gordon Brown may be doing the right thing in exercising caution and waiting to see if makes economic sense. Instead of which the fucking Tories managed to make the whole thing a sovereignty issue - don't let those snail-eating Belgian bastards govern Britain from Brussels! - instead of an economic decision. For God's sake, grow up! Nobody's being governed from Brussels except the Belgians.

OK, the notes look a bit funny for now, but that's just unfamiliarity. It's only money. It performs that same function. What the F.U.C.K. does it matter whether it's got the Queen's boat race on the freaking notes, for Christ's sake, or an etching of some bridge in Italy? No one even respects the bloody monarchy any more! What's so precious about the pound? What matters is the country's ability to compete on a level economic playing field which soon or later it won't with a minority currency. And anything which helps to highlight how much more than the going rate anywhere else in Europe we have to pay for every damn thing we spend money on in this country is extremely welcome. I am sick to the back teeth of being embarrassed to be British every time I set foot on mainland Europe because I come from a country which persists with the risible fiction that we know so much better than everyone how to do everything and that we have nothing to learn from the rest of Europe. The standard of living in the UK is crap compared with France, Austria, Holland and particularly Germany. It wouldn't be if we pulled out heads out of our arses and joined the rest of the world instead of maintaing this idiotic and self-defeating isolationism. Jesus.
</rant>